Scary Old Face in the Mirror


I can see the headline now. ‘Female YouTuber
shows her most vulnerable side which of course is her face without makeup on it.’ That’s
a long headline. So I’m making this YouTube video without
makeup on partly as a celebration of turning 31 years old last week and to be completely
honest announcing that I’m 31 on the internet does feel like I’m writing my own relevance
obituary. It changes your perspective a little bit and specifically your perspective when
you don’t have any makeup on your female face and you realize that suddenly you woke
up one day and you have the face of an older woman. All the signs are there. [Bells chime].
For all the no makeup selfies and starts without makeup selfies that we’ve seen and beauty
vlogger before and after videos we’ve watched, it can still be hard at least for me to understand
and fully accept that oh this is what my face looks like and that’s totally okay even
as it is aging and becoming more and more the thing that makeup is supposed to cover
up and correct. Men get older a lot of times and they can become more distinguished, they
get to be silver foxes and they have all those sexy laugh lines, whereas an older woman with
gray hair and laugh lines and signs of living a full life, probably not very sexy, not very
desirable, probably just somebody’s grandmother. It does force you to reevaluate ok wait, wait,
wait. What is my worth? Who am I? Where do I derive my confidence? Put another way, it’s
caused me to focus in on what my currency is and I’m borrowing that term from brilliant
national treasure in her book ‘Yes Please’ in which she advises readers to discover your
currency early and let go of what you will never have. That’s her secret to being happier
and sexier. Not so long ago my currency really was all about my face and not me thinking
that I had a model-esque face at all but rather using my face in order to attract duded and
hopefully seeking their approval and from their approval and attraction to me, I derived
what I thought was my currency. Beauty’s like a dollar, okay? That currency is going to
inflate and deflate depending on all sorts of external factors. You really can’t rely
on it. Because of how much cultural and even biological value we place on people’s appearances,
it’s so easy to mistake our face, what’s on our face, for our currency when in fact
it’s not what is on our face but what we do with it and the stuff that is in our heads
that is our currency. And one big way we can cultivate this within ourselves and also pay
it forward to continue this extended monetary metaphor is by looking past all of the unmade
up and really madeup faces around and trying to see actively the currency in other people
as well. Apparently also the older I get the hippie-ish-er I become. This is my face. And
it’s fine.

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